It feels like yesterday… like how I thought you were charming, cute and a gentleman. It felt nice to be wanted and loved. I guess happiness was only for a short period. I’m taking all the new information in and processing it better than I’d expected. I thought I would just keep crying and crying until my Mum had to put a stop to it by counselling me.
I am strong. I will be. I can do this.
But I don’t think I can. I thought about everything that has happened. From the small actions to the big details, I got it at the back of my head. All the lies you told… was it just a plan to make me happy?
I was so confused, hurt and scared. Were you there for me? Guess not, because the ‘silent treatment’ you gave wasn’t giving me the big picture. What I saw was jigsaw puzzles, waiting for you to piece them up. I waited for 3 weeks for a bloody answer. And it wasn’t good at all.
Why the fuck did I spend so much time thinking and intending to do a V-day gift to you? I am terribly wrong about you. Boys will be boys. There’s nothing much to say. I think I was out of my mind when I sent an email to you. A FUCKING EMAIL. When I had the option of smsing you but you didn’t give a heck.
You are just exactly like Josh in ‘Twenties Girl’ by Sophie Kinsella. Exactly the same. You treated me well cause you thought it was ought to be like this and not because you wanted to. Its because YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO.
I think I’m better off without you. This is what I’m going to inject into my brain now and recite it for a hundredth time.
I think I feel better now. I hope.